The upcoming April school break seems like it should be a relaxing change of pace, but alas, it might not be with children out of school for the week and parents needing to navigate a change to routine.
Though spring break can be filled with fun and sunshine, it can also be fraught with conflicts and disputes between family members who are not used to being constantly together or needing to coordinate schedules that differ from their typical routines.
Conflict is not always a bad thing. Conflict can be a signal that something needs attention, adjustment, or alteration. When conflicts are managed constructively, it can lead to better understanding, stronger relationships, and improved communication.
In the following post you will gain insight into why conflicts emerge during school holidays and how you might manage them gracefully, supporting yourself, your children, and other people in your life during this April break.
Understanding the Nature of Disruption
In the school year, many families find the rhythm of early mornings, packed lunches, afternoon pick-ups, and school-night bedtime routines to flow naturally and comfortably. These structured regimens support everyone, including parents and children, in managing their time, emotions, and energy.
During school breaks, the structure people are accustomed to disappears, and the vacuum remaining can incite anxiety. One parent might feel the children need to have a packed week, whereas another parent might feel the children need restful time off, and the children may have varied opinions that don’t align with either parent’s opinion of what should happen during the break from school!
It is often helpful to take the time to have a family meeting in advance to discuss everyone’s expectations and to see how many mutual interests might be satisfied in the plans made during the break.
Goals for the Break
Everyone has different opinions for what should happen during a school break. Parents might want to take time off from work for family time, children might feel this is a great time to spend lots of time with friends, and there might be many varied ideas of how to spend the week throughout a whole family.
As in the Understanding the Nature of Disruption section, it is helpful to have discussions to try to align expectations. It’s also okay and normal if everyone has different expectations. Having meaningful conversations about what everyone wants to do during the break and working together to develop a functional short-term schedule will help things go smoothly and reduce miscommunication and anxieties.
Try Using PIECES
The 6-phase understanding and interest-based mediation process might be helpful for facilitating conversations to better reach a consensus regarding the plans for the April break.
The first phase is P for Prime. In prime, you want to prepare yourself and your family to have productive conversations and to engage with each other with kindness during the week off. What are some triggers you and your family have? How do you want to show up for each other during this break?
The second phase is I for Identify. In identify, you want to think about the key topics and issues you and your family need to discuss to make the April break go as smoothly as possible. What are some things you need to discuss? Screen time? Activities? Spring cleaning?
The next phase is E for Explore. In explore, you will actively listen to each other and ask open-ended questions to determine what is important to each person about their preferences with how the April break is spent. What might be important to someone who wants to veg out on the couch all week? What about someone who wants to hammer out some home renovation projects?
Phase four is C for Create. In create, everyone throws out their ideas, no matter how outrageous. In this phase, everything is possible and people should feel freedom to be imaginative with the options they suggest. How might everyone get a little of what they want, while also honouring others’ needs?
In the next phase, E for Evaluate, we come back to reality. Is it within the realm of possibility that the family finds a million dollars and can fly to Disneyland for the week? Maybe, but also maybe not. Take the options and begin by crossing off the ones that absolutely won’t work and then start thinking about the ones that might work and measure them against everyone’s interests. If on parent wants to relax, and the other wants to take the kids to the museum, can both things happen? And if so, does that meet everyone’s interests?
The final phase, S for Solve, is when everyone decides what will happen moving forward. The goal should be something that meets as many shared interests as possible – we don’t want anyone to have a bummer of an April break, but we also don’t want to put anyone out by meeting only one person’s interests.
Anticipate and Prepare for Conflict
After deciding what the plans are for spring break, there might be other conflicts that crop up. In our busy day to day lives wherein children are running to and from school and activities and parents are shuttling kids around and getting themselves to work and home, a break from school likely means more family time. When families have more time together they may have more conflict than they do regularly. Embrace conflict as an opportunity to learn how to effectively engage with one another and work on your communication skills. You might walk out of this April break with deeper understanding of each other and stronger familial relationships!
What might be some common conflicts during a school break? Here are some to prepare yourself for:
Screen Time: Children and teens may have very different ideas about how much screen time is appropriate than their parents. Even if there are expectations, when there’s a break from school there might be some tension regarding screen time. Anticipate what conversations you might have regarding screen time and prep for what compromises you might be willing to make.
Socializing: Because most children and teens will have lots of free time during the April break, they may want to spend all their time off hanging out with their friends. Even if you have had conversations as a family about the expectations during the break, kids and teens may want to push for adjustments, especially if they are having fun with a friend. As with screen time, think about what conversations you may have come up in your future and think about what strict boundaries you have and what you might be willing to let slide.
Chores: A break from school doesn’t mean a break from household responsibilities, but with the change to the routine, kids and teens might start slacking. Be consistent with your expectations during the school break and if you decide to let your kiddos drop a couple of chores here and there make sure that you are clear that this is a special treat and that regular chore schedules resume at the end of the break. Plan for how you will handle any arguments that might result from a change to the chore schedule and prepare to enter those conversations with patience and understanding.
What other conflicts might appear during the spring break? Take a moment to write out regular conflicts you encounter and imagine how those might be alleviated or exasperated by the April break. Write out some specific strategies to proactively prepare yourself so you can engage with grace and bring your best self to those conversations.
Emotions: Children and teens have big feelings. A school break can hold excitement and fun, but it can also hold loneliness, boredom, anxiety, disappointment, and sadness.
Remember to acknowledge and validate the feelings your children share with you and give yourself empathy, because fielding all those big emotions and reactions while trying to manage having the kids around the whole week while also maybe having to work is a lot to carry!
Tantrums, clinginess, or wanting alone time is not a reflection on you as a parent – give your kids the gift of space and patience. Role-modeling appropriate emotional regulation is a great approach.
Your spouse might also be dysregulated with the change to schedule. Try to receive the information they share with you through a compassionate lens remembering that if they are complaining or expressing heightened or heated emotions, they likely have an unmet need. What might that be and how might you help them find a strategy to meet that need in a constructive and positive way?
Take a break
With the kids out of school, if you and your spouse are also taking time off, that can be a lot of time in each other’s business.
During conversations about planning also open a discussion about breaks from each other and strategies for how to give one another space.
If the weather is not so great, and the plans turn to sticking around the house, there might be tensions that arise. Find a safe haven in the house for each person and remind everyone to take time to themselves when they need it, especially if they feel that heat creeping up.
Reflect
After the April break is behind you, take a moment to reflect. What strategies worked? What didn’t? What adjustments can you make for the next break? (Because guess what, it’s a BIG one! Summer holidays are just around the corner!)
School Breaks Are Opportunities
School breaks are a great opportunity for kids to do things that they might not normally get to do and to reconnect as a family. Conflict as part of the school break doesn’t mean failure or that you don’t all love each other. Conflict can be a sign that something needs adjustment, a chance to deeper understanding, or to develop strategies to engage with one another constructively. Working on health conflict engagement in the home can help build lifelong skills that your children can bring into their personal and professional lives in the future.
We hope you have a fabulous and fun April break and please let us know on our socials if any of our tips for managing conflicts during April break worked for you and your family!
